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interlude 

i want to talk to you, he said, with a "we've-got-to-be-serious" expression beaming like oily light from his eyes
(i feel this urge to leave a legacy that he would one day wake up to: "she was way ahead of me, way ahead of us all." he smiles and shakes his head, grateful and amused. he remembers telling me how it bugged him if he couldn't figure out how someone ticked. i wondered why he cared so much. it had to be for some good reason, like control issues.) 

i saw it happening in a dramatic play. i want them to sally field really like me dontcha know? I smile a little perplexed and shake it off. He has become an old man sitting up to his nipples in a hot tub with a sad smile and his toes peeking out. His wife, sitting in the pool before him, opens her mouth to shout "hey hello" , and he vanishes in the glint of a toothy grin. The pool dissolves in blue bubbly water and the bubbles pop,  the scene concludes. with what little i can find, i tell the truth.

 

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i'm all alone here in this place

    the sun is hanging high 

if i look out beyond to space

    i see inside my eye 

i may or may not know what be

    ing is when searching such

thank the lucky stars that shine

   and thank them very much

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cinderella revisited

lovely cinderella had a tough time growing up - it wasn't a lot of fun being housemaid to her aunt and cousins. in fact, today's housemaid would never have to tolerate the behaviors cinderella dealt with constantly - manipulation, misuse, cruelty, emotional abuse, physical challenge, etc.

and yet it never spoilt her, because her heart was a tender lily, delicate and fresh and carefully protected by surrounding green shades. though she toiled and sweated, she never failed to recognize the beauty and wonder around her, the birds, the sun, the flowers, the cat, etc. she had fairies, and birds that followed directions, all the forest animals smiled, she was never ever alone. and there was the fairy godmother, who always remained hidden until absolutely needed in a triage situation or something.

she was sweet-natured in spite of circumstances that likely could have produced a bitter child. her cousins intrusions would momentarily interrupt her dream - they noticed and enjoyed upsetting the micro-expression of peace and delight she held consistently while enjoying such small things as the grooves in the planks on the floor as she scrubbed them, the shapes and popping noises of the bubbles, her own thought which could go anywhere and be anything. but her expression was only child-like and startled, never angry or frightened, and her eyes would instantly melt back into a joyful expression as soon as she made eye contact.

this the family found rather amusing and greatly helpful, her nature was such that they needn't watch over their own faults  - she would never even seem to see anyones so-called faults - they could behave in any way they chose around her, and her aunt and cousins, being somewhat unenlightened, chose to be hell-on-wheels pompous bitches, well maybe they didn't choose it, maybe it's just how they were. obviously you can be more colorful if you control the riches. circus pink as opposed to earth tone, well, dust, really. Real rubies, emeralds and so on as opposed to no accessories except an apron.

this never troubled cinderella as she fed the chickens and they scattered at her feet, milked Daisy Bell, the cow, and churned the butter. she loved the big pockets of her apron, she would find small treasures in the fields or in the barn, and those pockets were invaluable for keeping things secure and well-hidden. neither her aunt nor her cousins would ever dream of putting their hands in her filthy pockets.

so anyway, that is how it was with cinderella last time i checked which was yesterday, she was just blessed with curiosity and good will i suppose. circumstances notwithstanding, magic things happen repeatedly and she gets way more than she ever wanted but seems to just flow along accepting it graciously -  a good story, cinderella, love 'ya.

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airtists

we celebrate new ideas, we exchange them joyously, we collaborate to blaze new paths, we dont know where it's going but we're driven like deer through the forest seeking berries water shelter. we go everywhere unafraid of spiders snakes bears. we pluck leeches off our ankles like they were wet oak leaves and toss them onto the moss where they shiver and slink away. we paint our faces to look like fire and watch the sun burn.  we melt into night, dripping from a silvery dipper, we seefeelhear things differently, we are creatures of creative sp-splendor deep and restless shhh can you keep a secret?

things are moving skyward, look for cloud paintings

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grace

oprah winfrey and deepak chopra held a 21-day meditation online, about finding grace through gratitude. as their programs and presentations are always well tuned and inspiring, i was expecting more of the same, but i tell you, this one was different.

similarly, i was going along as usual, observing things, rearranging things, bringing order out of chaos, binding threads into skeins, collecting every scrap of awareness fabric, for a quilt that would cover the bed, and the legs of the bed so no monster under there could get out when suddenly i heard someone saying the words "Just find 3 things to be grateful about right now." It was easy, because the flowers are so nice, wellness is spreading like wildfire, and there are mysteries i dont know about yet. When that was over I thought of 3 more, and so on. i'm grateful for the old tree, for my melon I'm having for breakfast, for the rose of sharon in bloom, for the coffee, for the windows, for friends old and new, it can go on forever

but it doesn't go beyond reverie if i dont stop long enough to feel it, really feel that strong almost overwhelming gratitude, it's like a direct line charge to the heart and it shoots out streamers, that grow and reach for the highest and thus connect via that chakra to higher intelligence, the holy trinity, buddhist non-attachment, krishna and a thousand women at once, it can go on forever
 

Just saying....

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dial 411 information

"we're going our separate ways," she said, "after 25 years, it's that we've become different people," she said, "we've grown in different directions."

how many cliches is that I wondered "well at least there aren't any kids" I said adding another one.

but what does it really mean? do you look across the breakfast table one morning

and say "Hey honey, I think it's over, our marriage bites the dust" and then you both laugh and say "Yeah OK, let's sell the house"? Or is it after horrific months or years of arguing, friction, lack of cohesion, unhappiness, silence, resentment, secrets, or maybe something in between - the anatomy of a good-bye? A good buy?

I know I know, it's a lot of questions, one after another. let's narrow it down to "what do you really mean?" the one allowable question of the day. if consistent and true answering/hearing were prerequisite one could expect to figure out how to achieve world peace by the end of the week.

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       there's so much yet to brush up on in my spare time, for instance i would like to better understand the material nature of physical goodies that come in boxes - how  they may actually be virtual since everything is virtual on the dreamline. and life is a bowl of cherries, sweet and juicy with pits and a drippy ruby color that stains your fingers. natures way of reminding that blood and wine stains the carpet but back in the day when they feasted in lean-to's on straw it didn't matter much what fell on the floor, branches swept it all away or it sank into the earth.

during a neanderthal lifetime i was a young female who collected little white round stones when i found them poking up near the edge of the river, and i grouped them into little circles on the floor of our cave.

"fifteen of us live in the cave. we had to flee suddenly one night when i was thirteen due to invaders wanting to kidnap my aunties and i risked my life to gather up my stones. it was super-important. i would oil-shine them on my furry fore-arms, they were beautiful, everyone said so. I wanted to string them together and wear them

around my neck but they were too clunky, i'm 19 now and currently looking for smaller stones with little holes going through. I get lots of oohs and aahs about the white stones, it drives some of the older guys crazy. but my two younger sisters are collecting stones now too, and everyone is getting curious, i think i might start collecting something else, like shells"

"uh huh, ok, now see yourself leaving that neanderthal lifetime and traveling forward on that same path that will lead you to another lifetime...."

"we're in the high hills of the alps, i have flowers in my shoes, i live with a kindly old couple and many lambs. i love flowers and it's a good thing because they are everywhere. one always hears the wind. we have a waterfall and a rushing stream

and a little boat we can float down with, all the way to the valley, but it's a strenuous walk back carrying the boat so we take the donkey with us and he carries the boat."

"hmmm, i am going to call you back to the present lifetime on the count of three...one, two. three. open your eyes. you're feeling fine, better than before, you're wide awake and aware. Now, tell me, do you remember what you saw?

"gathering stones, constructing shapes, floating downstream, the benefits of having a donkey"

"exactly. can you elaborate?"

"elegant things, useful shortcuts"

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