S.B.T. 438

disappearance

thought dust swept away

from the shelf

brushed off,

the surface polished

my brother and me, almost 3 and almost 5

S.B.T 437

i always left the most... 

i always felt that there is something bigger and more genuine than i could fathum. but i also always felt that whatever the something is, it’s none of my business what it’s doing. and though it had an effect on the overall lineup, as contender for the position of originating force, i never thought of prizing alignment with it, because obviously, we’re related.

i keep remembering/discovering ways that ledd to the currrrent errer, and have found many instances of facts pseudo-scientifically swep=t under the rug, which someone owes apologies for. what i would not have stopped long enough to appreciate is the hallmark of a flaw in the pattern sensibility. what through erroneous judgment anyone felt entitled to do without consideration very much of dispersed effects: tamarrow we can cab calculate calloway the dreaded ‘how someone feels’ equation and get desired result short-term. “forget the possibility of disaster FOR A FEW SECONDS” and THEN “think of every catastrophe along the way.” 

cant think of every catastrophe i might meet along the way, w/out risk of damaging the OS, but it looks like a f-good bizway map.

Ping Pong Mandala — July 9 2019 pic.twitter.com/nSfmEMM4vA

— tipota (@tipotato) July 9, 2019

S.B.T. 436

firing people

“Missy has not changed in all these years, Rocky” i said, (“she’s like the picture of doria grey”)

“my wife is so full of….god” he smiled, almost apologetically, tilting his gaze toward the que-ball. I swiftly understood the angle, he uses his heart to love, he loves, he really loves. He probably knows people wonder how he got a beautiful girl like that to marry him. People look at them and think something like Liv Tyler married Michael Jeter. but it’s the complex surface reflective with added texture they’re responding to. And it’s stone simple: he loves truly, and she was either wise enough to know or just plain lucky.

Remembering struck me silent for a while, thinking of that last good-bye, and how dignified he was when I fired him.

Unlike when I fired Brystal, who started yelling and crying and screaming "how am i gonna pay the bills?" (i looked at her blue streaked hair and thought, “well you can skip the beauty shop expense”.) (it might have been that i had just begun using a “rinse-out-the-grey” bottle of color once a week in the shower, i’d just turned 40. and so i knew you could do it at home for cheap.) and then she stormed out running to the President’s office but failed to successfully go over my head and get her job back because of course he knew exactly what was going down. 

Also unlike Charlotte, who threatened a lawsuit and then did sue, and then did settle. All that day in court with the pages of documented reports in my briefcase that I’d had to prepare and pre-date. A skin-tingling creepy scalp feeling ripping to resolve down. I never did want to fire her but had an ultimatum from a frustrated overlord after delaying for three months so she could collect. 

Even tho it was years ago the firing of Rockwell Savarino still plays in my mind like a newly released reel. The thing is, he has said it was a fantastic thing, losing that job. it changed his life, he said, grinning. and maybe that was the truth sparkling out from the merriness dancing in his eyes. He handed me a bowl of pasta when my mouth dropped open, then he suavely grated cheese over the top of it.                                                                                                                                                   

“how did i not see the greatness of these people before?” i wondered silently, wide-eyed, looking at Rocky, white streaks in his beard now. wasn’t i standing right in it? i couldn’t see myself. it is much easier to fire someone you can’t relate to. so i assessed performance, that was all, and thought of them as robotically useful. but if they didn’t do enough or they didn’t do it right or they annoyed me continually. send that one back to the shop….NEXT>.

_________

“…….and adda yadda yadda i’m so sorry i have to let you go,” I said wrapping it up.

Pause. 

Gayle looks me in the eye empathically and says  “Are you sure?” - that was the best instant response ever.