S.B.T. 275

the tail of pepper lee

gebo chose to leave the shelter when she was pregnant. she would regally survey the variety of 'nesting' areas, and put out a haughty "what a dump" bette davis vibe unimpressed by any of them. she wanted to have her kittens elsewhere. i waited to see if her attitude might change as her due date came closer. instead, she played the scene repeatedly, and then started pacing at the door toward the time my shift would end, as if anxiously awaiting a taxi. it took a few days before i 'got' it. so i brought her out with me and took her home.

she was happy with the long narrow shoe closet in the bedroom, cleared out and laid with linens. much like a tiny railroad car apartment house, 4 levels, all cozy. the shoes then went into the tool trunk in the hallway. the tools went into the anteroom closet in a turquoise plastic bin. the things in the bin were sorted and reorganized or thrown out. every move has a consequence. but gebo was ready and she was relaxed.

born april 27 to gebo (l/h tiger tabby/torty mix), 4 kittens, 1 did not survive(male silver tabby). in for the count: three littermates, all female, tia: shorthaired pale torty, tilly: silver tabby, and pepper lee: dark striped tabby/torty with a mix of splotch and tiny cream colored toes. gebo immediately shows herself to be a perfect attentive loving mother. her kittens are healthy and thriving and she is devoted, never removing her watchful eye except for food/water/litter and then only when they are sleeping. if a tiny cry emerges from the nest, she stops whatever she is doing and dashes back to them, leaving a dish uneaten, or a poop unburied or a string toy left dangling. the kittens always come first with gebo*

the first 6 weeks are wonderful and joyful, sweet and inspiring. the kittens grow from little round balls to writhing four-legged creatures struggling to open their eyes and hurrying to get to mamas underbelly. and young kittens, you know, have completely undeveloped muscular ability to eliminate waste. i was surprised when i first learned that. as a foster parent you never need to clean up after them, their mother does it fastidiously. thank god for small favors ha ha unless perchance there is no mother, then you have to simulate her actions. warm wet washcloths are often used 4 times a day. it is hard for a human being to tell when they are going to do anything, even when they are in the middle of doing something. these creatures are barely 4 inches long. you'd need a microscope.

the way it works is, the queen will stimulate them by cleaning the area, enough to elicit the desired result, which she licks up and cleans away, eliminating any scent left from baby droppings that might attract a predator. yes the mother eats the droppings but mind you they are really tiny at first. because of that, in a healthy situation you can not smell new born kittens. it also gives the queen time management options and control over regulatory functions, allowing complex layered measures of safety for the brood. and of course a queen in the wild will eliminate herself after 3-5 days post-delivery, in a spot distant from her nest, a foil for boogeymen, but also a risk in leaving them untended. gebo quickly adapted to a big litterbox filled with cedar chips outside the closet.

when the kittens grow past 6 weeks or so they begin be able to do it for themselves. i observe all going well in their pre-litterbox training, while noticing a faint scent begin to emerge. i figure, now that gebo no longer "covers" for their scent and they are going on their own, it must be due to the increase in pit stops, since before that, it was just gebo who had to be scooped after. so i sifted more frequently during this stage. i started to notice, however, that occasional tiny dark marbles were found scattered on the floor here and there.

now, this needs more than just a pick-up. requiring soap and water mop-wash, followed by spray of clorox and then steamcleaning, one of those steam-mop sticks a friend gave me. it was a bedroom after all. then a drying and spraying with this eucalyptus flower essence spray called 'purification' the same friend gave me. everything was back to freshness. until the next time

an occasional mishap with kittens is to be expected. but this began to happen consecutively and frequently, and was getting worse as the kittens got bigger. i started finding spots on the bedspread, the lower edge of the wall, the bookcase, the seat of the chair, even on the windowsill. laundry costs went up. cleaning hours extended. then began a never ending search for spots as i tried to gather advice from some experts.

after putting it all together, i covered everything in plastic flannel backed tablecloths and shower curtain liners (thank you xmas tree shops) and decided to give it a little more time and see if i could isolate the source(s) for further study and behavioral work. and i started sleeping in the studio or on the living room couch. the kittens all seemed healthy and happy however, seemingly unaware of the problem.

until the day i walked by the closed door of the nuevo-nursery room, hearing a high-pitched pitiable plea-cry. upon entering i discovered pepper lee, at my feet, plaintively looking up, wailing and walking around in a circle. she repeated the action, louder each time. the others were stationed at triangle points in the room, out in the open, watching intently as pepper lee danced at my feet.

i reached down to pick her up, and suddenly realized something was wrong with pepper lees tail. it was rigid and stiff and oddly bent. turned out it was caked with dried poop, so much so that she could no longer move it. shocked at how i could have missed this development, i brought her to the laundry room where the utility tubs are, and gave her a bath which she accepted gladly, dried her, fluffed her up, kissed her and put her back with the others. then spent a halfhour resanitizing.

ok at least i knew who it was now. and perhaps it was a fluke, i thought, or maybe something was wrong with her tail. whatever it was, i thought it might be behaviorally fixable. if it was a physical issue with her tail, the vets would know what measures to take to trick the problem away. i decided to start working with her that evening, and to call them the next day. pepper lee was happy and relieved after her bath and ate and drank merrily with her sisters. i relaxed a bit, perhaps it was an unusual accident and wouldnt happen again....

pepper lee was the special beloved of gebo who made no bones about her favoritism, and tia and tilly adored her too. i started staying longer to observe her box behavior, and all seemed normal - one time she stuck her rear too far over the edge and it fell just outside the plastic rim. i'd seen that before, no big deal, that is easily fixable. pick up, take cat, position in middle of box. put poop in box. cover it. cat jumps out. place her back in, and so on. usually a few sessions like that will do the trick.

however, i noticed a day later her tail again on the tip looked like a dried paintbrush, i called the vets and brought her to the clinic with the evidence intact.

'she is a pretty little thing' dr. jolie said. then her blue eyes got big after she turned the baby over to examine her underside.
'i have never seen anything quite like this' she said and turned and looked at me.
'what do you mean' i said
'come here' she said

and i saw something was not right in the alignment of rectum to tail. it was as if her anal opening was in the tail itself and nowhere near the genitalia. in fact there didnt seem to be any genitalia. i had never examined pepper lee for gender since her partial tabby/torty fur is a clear marker of a female. usually. anyway she seemed female too, in demeanor. plus i am way too busy and it didnt really matter. tilly, being a silver tabby, was the only kitten who was sexed, her coloring is a standard, shared by both sexes alike. pepper lee was about 80% tabby, but had enough of the torty patches, especially on her legs and feet, to disqualify maleness

'she has a genetic abnormality. a birth defect. i am very surprised the mother didnt reject her early on'
'reject her? no way, she was actually favored by the mother' i said

'that is very odd. she just must be a really good mother'

(2012 changes in consciousness as predicted by mayan whateveritis means changes across the board in all species i thought or maybe shes just a good mother)

it was certainly a teaching to me. pepper lee was not made to fit this tidy world. nor the untidy wild world either.
'no one could take care of her in a home and she would draw scent in the wild and be taken down by a coyote in no time flat. plus any colony would reject her' dr. jolie said.

'there's nothing you can do surgically? i asked 'the s fund would pay for it' i hinted.

'i'm afraid not' she said, 'she would have to be kept caged, she would continue to suffer this problem and maybe more serious ones down the line, and she would always be smelly and uncomfortable, which cats do not like. she needs to get to heaven, we need to send her there' she said.

i have never had this happen before with any baby foster kitten. had seen many cats live and die, but never until now had to make that decsion on a little one. i had grown to love pepper lee, pooperly as she was and all. a highly unusual creature, and quite beautiful as you can see from the picture, she had the most strikingly amber eyes.

i held her tiny body and she slipped away. salty tears falling on my lips. her silky soft fur settles still. the light goes out, the sparkles in her eyes dance away. the magician cries and the wind blows fairy dust. i suddenly see her tinyness, it fills my eyes, every detail shining, it becomes larger than a fullscreen theatre projection

she lived exactly three months from april 27, to july 27, 2010. i buried her in a section of the back yard recently cleared of weeds and vines along the fence, a flower bed awaiting planting. i found a large granite stone to mark the spot and then covered the entire area with new soil and compost and planted perennial wildflowers in every color of the rainbow. pepper lee. pepper lee. pepper lee




*from the mythological characters of the norse runes, "gebo" means "gift"

S.B.T. 274

strange triangular dream

she was pleasantly busy and had appointments ex officio while he lingered, talking cool white linen plans, until the first one arrived: a small dark-haired child and her parents (he watched them sit down at a folding table shuffling cards, a ringbound black notebook tossed open, pencils scattered in oblique angles)

'i wonder what the child needs to learn' she had said
their voices were too low to distinguish words but the sound was some mix of whistling engines and rustling reeds. the parents were 30 feet away to the side, the dad pacing/their reflections are stuck on the gymnasium floor, gluey shiny shiny floor he held onto that glance, then without closing the door, sailed toward the vanishing point on soft leather souls, the glass dashed with (hush)rain

sound muffled & moved thru thick fog knotted timestrings and the aura of waiting for something tho it is not clear what we are waiting for. he was noneshallwant though and thought nothing of it. eventually she had to come home again and because we were fast friends, revealed the prototype of a charm design, the moon with a diamond studded star on its nose that was used to win her over

there was slick surface quality to that art i chose to ignore and it seemed to evolve inside a flask of iced vodka crystalline cold. i wondered if the drift of postponement came from that, and if textures consciously or otherwise applied would be best. if it would fall to the ground and bruise like an untended apple probably it was a crab apple, rather than a red delicious (view of the hallway smudged yellow linoleum floor)

the beloved expression lit up her face, her eyes (cocktail with olive) mesmerized held the gaze puffing the words a natural reverberation parisian echo and smoke.

S.B.T. 273

diary of a rescue kitten

she was about 4 weeks old when she was abandoned. a conspicuous turn, the doting and protective queen suddenly discharged herself of all duty. instinctive practicality, a queen will conserve food supply and usually stop feeding kittens who are sick, undaunted handling of survival issues in an unattached way. kittens succumb very quickly to anemia

you can x(yz)spend a lot of energy on perplexing precious feelings. cats will face death nonplussed but it doesnt stop them, from living at least nine lives

suppose you increased the food supply?

i have tried that and it does not seem to fit the timing. response to an ailing kitten has to be immediate. hunger and digestion on an 8 hour cycle will just take a day or two to switch to a four hour cycle. thats why some cats get fat. but its too slow anyway to save an ailing kitten, they spiral down very quickly

her condition was curable, she was beyond the first few weeks when the colostrum from the queens milk is essential for building immunity. i got some KMR (a famously good quality cat milk replacer). if a kitten is lethargic it may mean low iron, prolonged (as in beyond ONE DAY) can become irreversible wasting, dehydration, loss of sucking instinct, etc. i knew she had a good chance, after de-fleaing her, she was immediately alert and hungry. back in the shelter, her queen was eyeing me, she knew i had the boopy. i saw it in her eyes. this is her one and only surviving kitten, better to know how it really is.

a granite boulder polished by a glacier in passing a blue feather found at the site petals dropping pink sailboats carry to the sound

i have seen cats do what the most compassionate person could only aspire to and other things a dark sourcer er would put money on. the queen, a young female called regina, had never shown more than curious regard, certainly was not friendly, but when i took away the boopy, she started waiting by the door to greet me.

the boopy, called melody, will become a longhaired plume tailed 'pale torty' as they are called because of the tortoiseshell patchy abstract fur pattern. however it seems that she may be a shade below pale, which makes her unique. pale tortys are rarer, tho not as rare as the blue torty.

most tortys are rust, dark brown and black with sprays of gold but this particular colony has shown several of the pale ones, whose colors are a soft mix of light grey, creamy white, yellow. two types: real-short fur, almost like sealskin, very smooth and shiny, iridescent almost. the other long haired with the style of willow trees in chinese brush paintings with mist sprinkled across the mountain tops.

made of mountains and seashells and the same things as wind currents and bird wings.

(and we people have legs

glad you didnt say mind

what was that about feeling, can you explain

conservation i said, roping a bronco catching the wind)

early morning and lights off, too much light creates harshness for a kittens eyes at this stage. all kittens have blue eyes up until about 8-10 weeks of age and then they turn permanently green or amber and sometimes patterned combinations of moss and earthtones. except for certain himalayans and siamese who have blue eyes but there are no relations with that elite group here, tho perhaps at one time there might have been a connection. her eyes are still blue.

after a week she learned how to drink from a dish, and began to crunch on crispy dry food, crumbs spilling out the sides of her funny little mouth and she dives in for another fresh chunk. like a teething brick all in one gulp

kittens learning to eat from a dish on the floor will often take the full body approach, something we should all try such as lounging and snacking in a tub of cream.

she learned to drink from the tiniest vessel (at first a sushi condiment dish, not more than a half inch high and 3 inches long but she got a little bigger and started tipping it over, then switched to a low wide salad plate, and now we use a small saucer about 4 inch diameter and rim about 2 inches up)

she waded all fours into the plate, stumbled up to her armpits in kitten gruel reveling in her bacchanalian babybody. dont worry, she has a bath afterwards every time. a savvy advocate will need to invent some kitten bib apparel, i can see zipping her into something like a snowsuit, padded and liquid repellent. maybe a wetsuit and flippers we can call it a milksuit, clockwork orange people would like that.

but now she washes herself and has grown as you can see in the latter parts of the video. she has gained about 5 ounces and is now fully engaged in playing w/special attraction to a tethered bouncy ball she loves to wrestle with. now if i can get her to use the litterbox! it has to be an aluminum broiling pan, just an inch high and a good rectangle shape. the smallest commercial plastic boxes are still too steep for her

2 days later: she has finally figured out the litter box thing. an end to chasing after her puddles with paper towels and soapy water. the boopy has graduated from kittengarten. she is very proud of herself and rightfully so.

however, a new mystery teases the tiny temptress: teething. i need a waistpack to carry the twisty plastic straws for her to chew on. she wants to bite everything. i have to wrap all the cords in electrical tape again. or just carry her around in a pouch and let her pull my hair, it seems that would be a queenly thing to do.

normally biting is a part of playfighting among littermates, essential skill, and part of important early 'education'. playfighting is a thing all kittens have to do. let them play, play with them and enjoy the spectacle. they will not hurt each other in any way seriously. and if they bite at eachother they wont need to bite at peoples hands. she has no littermates so i am it. right now my hands are pierced and scratched. she is splitsecond fast, i always forget to put on gloves.

documentation of melody

turina, l/h pale torty age 6

ps. tortys are 99% of the time female. the male torty is the rarest of all and is usually not able to reproduce.

S.B.T. 272

not meaning to trouble anyone life has been extremely difficult recently

so dont even try to tell me anything listen

there are some stolidly characteristic flaws such as murder but manage the PR so well it being commercial. i should know and let you imagine without saying yet it is just simply the appealing facet. the commodity which exists apart from its source for no good reason except perhaps to employ a spawn entity who will construct stepping stones out of skulls stolen from the underground streets of paris

and yet unless held in checque spirit deficit one can acknowledge why the criminal who killed your kith and kin was forgiven or why no one sawtooth wave took rags nor rage

used them to clean up the mess...

nonetheless

severe jokester crews coming in at the worst hottest most impossible hours, i saw the rushes and noticed how often i am frowning, i will have to make a point of relaxing. final cut to one half hour make something out of what appears 2B reality but falls falls asss short of the record the immeasurablue distance to the infinite horizon, in this situation the shaman said moccasins will a mud flat hazard, first he had to break the wicked spell that would have life turn into a handful of sequins tossed by giggllng three year old at the circus child, and anyway why should anyone care as long as promises are kept and sacred pearls pop from oysters

the only reason is because of

well because of the walrus

who likes to eat them

coo koo ka choo

S.B.T. 271

housework

courage the way cliche thoughts cycle around the protrusions
ears nose, etc
it takes time to sweep
a vacuum is suggested
and weighs some significant poundage
i wish i didnt have to carry it
the material edge is sharp
will it go round in circles uh huh yeah

patience the shelves how dusty they require themselves to be
and how shiny the lacquer

on the ornamental tray
lets sell it or throw it away
something really terrible or
blindingly wonderful
the moon cant look upon the dark side
in satin pincushion fullness

ugh i could leave that dust alone then under the couch

S.B.T. 270

pluribus unum

a portrait painted on eggshell cracked then floating as the shard and upside down umbrellas hat

hail

an om or other replication calling all oze the delicate color and quote round your face as each petal falls silent leaves, an imprint now sigh i will have to make a choice tiresome business trash or compost

when i do remember i will look it up in the encylop speedium on the subject art hand and who cares each time a toil is tailed carrying broken shells to the heap